Source: New Jersey Patch
When you’re trying to have a baby, fielding questions from family and friends is always tough, but especially hard during the holidays. People who ask when you’re going to have a baby are usually genuinely interested and not trying to upset you, but sometimes it’s hard not to take it personally. Here are a few tips from infertility leader Reproductive Medicine Associates of New Jersey (RMANJ):
Switching the topic quickly to something that will get the group talking is one way to take the attention away from you. For example, you can say, “Thank you so much for caring, but I what I want to know is…” and ask about something in the news or on TV, plans are for New Year’s Eve, or a family pet. It’s unlikely anyone else will notice, and chances are you will dodge the question being asked again.
Cracking a joke prevents the person who asked from probing and can even make them feels silly for asking a question whose answer is so hard to predict, even for fertile couples:
– Don’t know, but we’re having a lot of fun trying!
– How about June 4 at 11:52 a.m.?
– I’m not sure, but I am starting a list of babysitters. Can I count you in?
A short, direct answer often ends the questioning then and there, and doesn’t sound alarm bells to anyone listening:
That’s a great question. I wish I knew the answer.
– I’m not really sure. We’re trying to figure it out now.
– That’s a great question. I wish I knew the answer.
– When the time is right!
Tell it like is. if you are ready to share, don’t feel it’s not within your rights or that it’s not socially acceptable to talk about infertility. In fact, the more people talk about infertility, the less stigmatized the topic will be:
– Actually, we are having trouble getting pregnant. But we’re not alone — One in eight couples in this country are unable to get pregnant on their own.
– We really want a child, but getting pregnant isn’t as easy at it seems. We are in the process of seeing a fertility doctor.
– That question puts a lot of pressure on me because we’ve been trying for a while.
Disengage. You can simply walk away, saying you have to use the restroom or that you want to help in the kitchen. You can also excuse yourself before the question is asked if you can sense the conversation going that way.
Find out more about your fertility options at Reproductive Medicine Associates of New Jersey.