PART ONE
Source: CancerCenter.com
At some point, someone you know will likely get cancer. When it happens, you should be prepared to communicate appropriately about the disease.
Years ago, people spoke in whispers about cancer. Today, despite its prevalence, advances in treatment and increasing survival rates, many people still don’t know how to handle the news.
Don’t minimize their experience. Try not to say, “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine” — you don’t know that. Instead, say “I hope it will be okay.” And don’t refer to his or her cancer as “the good cancer.” These statements downplay what he or she is going through. Leave the door to communication open so they can talk about fears and concerns.
Don’t be intrusive. Don’t ask those with cancer questions about their numbers or tumor markers. If they want to talk about their blood results, they will. Give them the freedom to offer this information or not. Also, don’t ask personal questions that you wouldn’t have asked before, especially when it comes to subjects like sex and religion.
Don’t preach to them. Don’t try to tell the person with cancer what to think, feel or how to act. You don’t know what they’re going through, so don’t act like you do.
Instead of saying “I know how you feel,” try saying “I care about you and want to help.” Don’t suggest alternative forms of treatment, a healthier lifestyle, etc. And don’t tell them to “stay positive,” it will only cause frustration and guilt.
Refrain from physical assessments. Refrain from comments about how those with cancer look, particularly if it’s negative. They don’t need their weight loss or hair loss pointed out to them. And if they just started treatment, don’t ask them about potential side effects. If you say anything at all, tell them they look stronger or more beautiful, but mean what you say.
Avoid comparisons. Everyone does cancer his or her own way. Don’t bring up the private medical problems of other people you know. And don’t talk about your friend with cancer who is running marathons or never missed a day of work. Avoid talking about the odds or making assumptions about prognosis. Just allow your friend to be who they are.
Show them you care. Show those with cancer that they’re still needed and loved. Give them a hug. Surprise them with a smoothie, books, magazines or music. Offer to help, such as cooking, laundry, babysitting or running errands. Be specific by asking, “What day can I bring you dinner?” And, offer to help only if you intend to follow through with it and won’t expect something in return.
Share encouraging stories. Offer encouragement through success stories of long-term cancer survivors. Avoid saying, “They had the same thing as you.” No two cancers are the same. And never tell stories with unhappy endings. If you know someone with the same type of cancer, offer to connect the two of them.